Month: September 2015

The “Slippery Slope”

In the SAA and SLAA 12 Step programs, there’s a term that’s often used to describe when a person in recovery is doing behaviors that is teeter tottering on the edge of their old addiction. It’s called being on the “Slippery Slope”.

Truth be told, there can be a “slippery slope” for any person in recovery from any former addiction. In AA, it might come in the form of hanging out with individuals regularly at bars. In NA, it might come in the form of regularly spending time with old friends who might also be drug dealers. In OA, it might come in the form of frequently going to restaurants that have huge buffets. As for those in SAA or SLAA, when they might be on the “slippery slope”, it could come in many forms such as repeatedly perusing the internet for G-rated pictures, habitually driving down streets or going by places where hook-ups used to occur, watching movies often that have strong sexual content, or spending time with someone on a consistent basis who is presently engaging in promiscuous behavior.

In my case, I’ve actually had a few of these “slippery slope” incidents as of late myself. One was with someone I had lunch with not too long ago whom I find very triggering and alluring only because of his present promiscuity. Another was a random sexual innuendo I made to a friend I’ve always found attractive. A third came in the form of watching a movie or two on Netflix that tempted me with a few semi-strong sexual scenes. And lastly, one that happened just the other day was when I stayed behind after an SAA meeting ended solely to talk with someone who reminds me quite vividly of previous acting out partners. And while our conversation did remain healthy, even having an extended talk with this person was like putting an opened bottle of the best beer into a recovering alcoholic’s hand for a good while.

Most often why a person who’s recovering from an addiction such as myself lands in this “slippery slope” territory and starts doing some of those behaviors is usually to tempt and test themselves. Most “slippery slope” behaviors are really just like getting a mini taste of our old addiction. In other words, we get a slight high off of doing them.

While being in the “slippery slope” area may not be an actual relapse, it is a totally dangerous place to be in. Many who allow themselves to stay in this area for too long of a time eventually land in a full-blown relapse. Thankfully that hasn’t happened to me with the few times I’ve found myself in this unhealthy arena. And truthfully, the main reason why I’m writing this for the rest of the world to read is to keep myself accountable and not let my ego kid me about any of my former addictions.

I’m still a recovering addict from a number of things and always will be. I know the “slippery slope” is not a healthy place to ever be in with any of my 12 Step programs. I’m just glad that I recognize it pretty quickly nowadays whenever I find myself getting in that risky place and immediately do the healthiest thing I can do. What is it? I simply draw much closer to my Higher Power through prayer, as that always gets me back on the right path and fast…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

 

 

Daily Reflection

“There is a voice from within. It speaks softly and is always trying to help us. We just need to slow down a little more in life to hear it more clearly…” (Unknown)

Have you ever had a gut feeling prior to doing something, but not listened to it and then suffered because of it? Just the other day I was running the self-clean option on the oven in my home when I suddenly remembered about thirty minutes into it’s cycle that I left a ceramic dish on top of it. I quickly ran over to move it when I heard a small voice within tell me it’s going to be very hot so be careful. I wasn’t though and instead I ignored that voice and grabbed it rather abruptly. Two seconds later I threw it down on the counter, as I yelped in utter pain. A day later I had a good reminder to listen to that small voice the next time it comes, all in the form of a huge white burn blister on my right index finger. I’m sure most would say that whenever we hear this small voice within, it’s really just our intuition speaking, but I’m quite convinced it’s something more. I actually believe it’s our spirit trying to communicate to us, except most often we are moving too fast in life to hear it clearly. Although I did receive a painful reminder of this in the form of a pretty serious burn, I was grateful I received the lesson nonetheless. And hopefully the next time I’ll listen to that small voice, so that the lesson won’t have to be so painful. 🙂

I pray I slow down a little more throughout my days and start listening to that small voice within, as I know it’s my spirit just trying to help me on my journey in life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“You Need To Develop A Much “Thicker Skin!”

I’m an overly sensitive individual and have always been that way. Anyone who knows me could tell you this. But it’s also quite apparent actually whenever someone makes fun of me or says something negative about me. And so often I hear each of them say just after they realize their comments impacted me so greatly that I need to develop a “thicker skin”. I disagree because the more I tried to develop that trait over the years, the more my heart became hardened to everything and everyone.

I definitely don’t want to have a hardened heart or one that has any thick walls around it. To be the loving, compassionate individual I’m regularly working on becoming requires my heart to remain open. And I believe that if I truly want to channel the unconditional love of God through me in this life, I can’t walk around having a “thick skin”.

But for all the times I did have a much “thicker skin”, I’d walk around with an attitude like I didn’t care about anything. And in all honesty, I ultimately didn’t. While that did help me to deflect people’s attempts at making fun of me or saying negative things of me a lot better, I constantly found myself being angrier and less connected to the world around me because of it. That’s only because a person who has a “thicker skin” is generally living more in their mind than in their heart.

I’m sure you’ve probably heard the saying that the greatest journey in life we can take is the one where we travel from the mind to the heart. I’ve been on that journey for quite awhile now and am finding myself living more in the latter than the former lately. While I do like the way it feels to operate more from my heart these days, it has resurfaced a lot more of my over-sensitiveness again.

Case in point, a casual friend of mine greeted me one day about a month ago, not with a hello, but with a comment about how skinny I was and how he wondered if I was sick. Regardless of his intention, his words hurt and my heart felt a lot heavier afterward. But regardless, I was glad nonetheless to feel how his words impacted me rather than to dispel a “thicker skin” based comment back towards him like I once would have done.

With my heart being a lot more opened now than ever before, I’m not a fan of making fun of people or saying anything negative about them, mainly because I feel the impact within them when I do. As for those who still do these behaviors quite often themselves, I’ve realized through my own spiritual journey to have compassion for them. I know now that it’s most likely a trait they forced themselves to develop solely to deal with the harshness the world brought them at some point in their life, just like it did for me growing up in a dysfunctional family and being bullied in school.

So for anyone out there who ever tells you that you need to develop a much “thicker skin”, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and do you best to ignore them. Try staying in your heart instead, even if it hurts, because in the end, you’ll remain much closer to your Higher Power if you do, than if you develop that “thicker skin”. As then you’re only going to start shutting out the sunlight of the spirit, and trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not a very good place to be…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson