Sometimes it feels as if a war has waged on between my spirit and my brain for most of my life. It’s almost as if I have had two completely separate entities living within me and all too often, they weren’t in agreement with each other on things. And lately, I’ve been realizing that all the work I’ve been doing has been helping them to operate much better as a unified team.
To help explain this better, I would like to portray my spirit and my brain as two completely independent people with different wants and needs. For my spirit, I compare it to that of a wise old man who’s lived way beyond his years. And for my brain, I compare it to that of a rebellious teenage boy who is very restless and impatient in life. Think for a moment what you could probably see happening when the two of these polar opposite people are placed in a room with each other. The main scenario I always saw playing out for years was the one that became that growing war within me. It’s where the wise old man was often trying to provide some words of wisdom to help that rebellious teenage boy to grow. But that boy never wanted to listen and instead would just roll his eyes, call the old man a geezer, and proceed to do whatever he wanted.
I see now how my old spirit has been trying to send my impatient brain messages for as long as I have lived. But sadly, my brain refused to listen until the pain got great enough. I look back at my life and realize my addictions to alcohol and drugs, gambling, sex and love, caffeine, shopping, and whatever else I chased after, were all tied to my restless and impatient brain that wished to have immediate gratification in life. Throughout all of that time where my brain was engaging in these addictions and more of the one in control, I can still remember those messages that were coming to me from my spirit. Usually they came in these quiet voices that preceded each time I acted out in one of those addictions. Sometimes I could almost hear the words going on from deep within me saying something like “That’s not really going to be good for you Andrew…” But my brain rarely, if ever, listened.
If you still aren’t getting what I mean, here’s a simple example for you. Take a person who just had a heart attack and is now on a mandatory diet by their doctor. Picture them walking down some main street and looking in all the shop windows they pass by. They soon come upon a bakery they once visited with great frequency and see in the window all its delicious pastries. It’s then that their spirit says very quietly, “You don’t need any of those as they will only cause you greater health issues right now, it’s best if you just keep on walking ok?” But the brain starts screaming, “GO IN THERE AND BUY JUST ONE! IT’S OK. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER RIGHT NOW!” And that’s when that internal war starts raging between the brain and the spirit. In my case, my brain always won out in those situations. That lasted for several decades in this way until my health began to fall apart completely a few years ago.
While these past few years have been a great source of frustration for my brain, the truth is that they’ve given the upper hand to my spirit to making many more of the day to day decisions in life. My brain hasn’t been very happy about this either. But it has been learning, as time has been moving forward, that my life is getting much less complicated then all those days when it was more in control. Little by little, my brain seems to be conceding its control, which is allowing my spirit to make much healthier decisions in life than my brain was ever was able to do. The war appears to be raging less and less within me and I am feeling a lot more peaceful with every step I am taking these days.
I think my rebellious teenage brain is actually growing up and realizing that it’s restless and impatient based life did nothing more than cause me great pain. And that wise old spirit within me, who was extremely patient with my brain for all those years, somehow knew through its wisdom that this would eventually happen. I’m happy to say that I’m starting to visualize a different picture now in that room with that teenage boy and old man. It’s one where I can see the boy sitting there intently and listening to the old man’s stories now. And it’s also one where I can see the old man playing some of the teenage boy’s favorite games with him now. Both seem to be finding great joy in each other’s company, but even better, it’s also allowing God to help them become that unified team with one sole purpose…to fill this world with a lot more love and light.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson