Month: December 2014

The Aspirations Of Another Andrew In “Whiplash”

Have you ever aspired to become truly great at something in life and were willing to go to any length to achieve it? That’s precisely what a drummer that shares the same name as me, Andrew (Miles Teller), strived for in the movie Whiplash.

The film centers around him, a young and rather unconfident first year student at Shaffer Conservatory of Music, who’s only dream in life seems to be that of becoming Buddy Rich, one of the most talented drummers of all time. Late one night while practicing in the studio, Andrew looks up during a ferocious drum roll sequence to notice he’s being watched by Fletcher (J.K. Simmons), the conductor of the school’s top-ranked jazz ensemble that competes on the national level. It doesn’t take long for Andrew to realize how much Fletcher demands of those who get the chance to study under him, and it’s one that definitely comes with a pretty serious mental and emotional price tag. While Fletcher does seem to have a gift to see and hear a budding musical artist, his way of showing that comes mostly in the form of an angry drill sergeant out of boot camp. Through repeated verbal and even some physical abuse, Fletcher pushes each of his musical prodigies to the brink of madness, hoping to inspire them to greatness, with Andrew often being at the center of his brute and usually ridiculing behaviors. Does Andrew crack under the pressure like so many of Fletcher’s students end up doing and give up, or does he fully rise to greatness and become the drummer Fletcher believes he was born to become?

Whiplash is by far what I would consider to be the best movie of 2014. I felt each and every moment of pain, joy, sadness, and triumph that my name’s counterpart felt during the entire length of this movie. I genuinely hope I will see this movie go on to garner many honors during this upcoming film awards season. But more importantly, Whiplash was a well-needed rejuvenator I’ve been seeking as of late for my own spiritual journey in life. And it’s one that I know will eventually end up in my own private collection to watch anytime I find my spirit once again needing some spiritual inspiration…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Pastor Calls For Killing Gays To End AIDS”

I’m not exactly sure who or what God is, but what I can say is that I’d stake my life on what God isn’t and that’s hate, which is exactly what I believe a preacher is spewing from his pulpit in Phoenix.

Quite reminiscent of now deceased Pastor Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is Pastor Steven Anderson of Faithful Word Baptist Church, who recently led an anti-homosexual sermon that said killing gays is the way to an AIDS-free world.

During his homily Leviticus 20:13 was cited as justification, which says, “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.” Anderson fully supported this passage by stating, “And that, my friend, is the cure for AIDS, it was right there in the Bible all along. Because if you executed the homos, like God recommends, you wouldn’t have all the AIDS running rampant.” He also went on to say that “all homos are pedophiles” and that “no queers or homos are allowed the church, and never will be as long as he’s pastor.”

What outright saddens me first and foremost is how his words have now made its way into nationwide news. I only happened to learn of this when I noticed a hatred-filled headline in USA Today that read, “Pastor calls for killing gays to end AIDS”, while looking for the latest movie reviews. Because of all the previous rejections I’ve received in the past to joining several churches due to my sexuality, I read the article in its entirety. And although I’m sure there will be plenty of people who end up feeling the same pain I did after reading it, there will sadly probably be just as many who will end up applauding and supporting Anderson’s beliefs as well.

Both Phelps and Anderson have stood for something that I can only compare to hate. Wishing, hoping, or calling for the death to all gay people is something I don’t believe God would ever advocate. So many pastors, preachers, and the like have cited this passage in Leviticus as a way to justify their hate.

“It’s in the Bible, so it’s coming from God and it must be true.” This is often what has been presented to me by several pastors and very opinionated religious people I’ve met over time. I remember this passage specifically being pointed out to me by a pastor back in Massachusetts when I sat at a table with him inquiring about joining his church.

It truly is no wonder why so many gays and lesbians get turned off to finding and developing a closer relationship to God when people like Phelps or Anderson are making nationwide news citing passages like this to support their claim that God hates gays. But the image I hold onto these days with who God is sits exactly on the opposite side of this spectrum. To me God is nothing but unconditional love.

I refuse to believe that God would want to have anyone be killed given that all religions seem to believe that God was also the one to create each of us in God’s image. So if that were the case, why would God create someone only to want him or her killed? If God created me just as I am, as a gay man with an open heart who’s here solely to bring equality, unconditional love, and hope for this entire planet, why would God also want me to be killed given I’m only doing what I feel God brought me here to do?

Ironically, each of the passages in the Bible that continue to be used by pastors such as Anderson to denounce my sexuality in some way always seem to overlook the other passages that condemn just about every single person on this planet. In the same area in Leviticus that Anderson uses for his AIDS argument, it speaks of banishing all men who have had sex with women during their period, or putting to death all men and women who commit adultery, or killing all people who curse their parents, and so on and so forth.

And although the statistics I read on AIDS.GOV shows the HIV and AIDS epidemic in the United States to be originating from a large percentage of unprotected sex between men, there is also just as much of a large percentage coming from heterosexual sex and needle use as well. This changes even more drastically on a global level, especially in poorer countries such as Africa, where the higher percentages of people with HIV OR AIDS are not coming from homosexuality at all.

Knowing all this I choose to look at Anderson’s preaching as just one man’s hateful rants and yet I still have compassion for him. Why? Because I know God would want me to, especially given that I know of plenty of men who were molested by an adult male at a very young age and grew up spewing hatred towards homosexuals because of it. In fact, I was once one of them.

So whatever Anderson’s inner demons are that drive him to preach in the name of God about killing millions of people I truly don’t know. But what I do know is that I really would stake my life on the sole existence of an unconditionally loving God who cares about all of us equally, regardless of sexual orientation, or any other trait that makes up our identity, because weren’t all of them just made in God’s image anyway?

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

What Do You Think Is Acceptable Sex Conduct?

What do you think is acceptable sex conduct? This is a question whose answer has definitely changed for me over the years the more I’ve worked on my recovery, my spirituality, and my relationship to my Higher Power.

It honestly wasn’t that long ago, about five years now, when I still thought it was completely ok to spend each of my late night evenings watching pornography on the Internet for hours on end. It was also quite acceptable for me around that time to engage in sexual relations with someone who was already in a relationship with another, all under the pretense that I was single then and they were consenting. Years prior to this, when I was in a long-term monogamous relationship, I never saw any problem with my sex conduct then either, even when I was doing various behaviors such as fantasizing lustrously of others, leading people to think I’d leave my partner for them, engaging in phone or cyber sex conversations with strangers, flirting heavily with anyone I came into contact with, or having romantic but non physical interludes with someone other than my actual partner.

The reality was that none of my sex conduct changed until I did. It wasn’t until I fully started practicing the 12 Steps of recovery a few years ago did any of it alter. When I did, that’s when my spirituality truly started to grow. It’s also when I really started to draw closer to the God of my understanding. And the more I continued to do each of these things, the more I began seeing my sex conduct in a vastly different light. One that helped me to see my behaviors from the eyes of those I had hurt directly or indirectly, like those I had been in a relationship with, or the other halves of those I had seduced, or even myself.

Over the past few years now I’ve been coming into contact with plenty of people whose sex conduct are great reminders of where I once was with it all. Watching them randomly hook up with one person after another, or going to “bookstores”, parks, and rest stops for anonymous encounters, or hiring prostitutes and hookers for quick pleasure, or attending local strip clubs for a tease, or talking incessantly on a sexual level no matter what their audience is, or watching pornography on a regular basis, or sexually chatting on social media until the wee hours of most mornings, has caused me to reflect on how I too once thought each of these actions and more were totally acceptable.

But the fact FOR ME today is they aren’t. They aren’t because none of them ever brought me any true happiness. They never brought me the peace and serenity I sought. They ultimately never did anything for me other than make me crave them even more. I’m immensely grateful to my Higher Power for helping me to see this so clearly now and for leading me away from that darkness of my former sex conduct.

I must proclaim though that I am NO better than any of those who may still be doing any of these sex conduct based actions because it wasn’t that long ago when I WAS them and they were me. I must also admit that I’m far from perfect with this and occasionally have a flirtatious slip here and there. But I believe that if I continue to deepen my recovery, my spirituality, and my relationship to God that I will never completely relapse back into any of my old sex conduct behaviors again.

So what do I think is acceptable sex conduct? The best answer I can offer is that mine has definitely changed from what it once was. Honestly, how can I say what’s acceptable sex conduct for anyone else given we’re all on our own unique spiritual paths in life? I think the only other thing I can safely say about this subject matter is that I know I’m a much healthier person today because of the changes my sex conduct has undergone. I give my Higher Power all that credit, for I know I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had never drawn closer to God in the first place…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson