Month: December 2021

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is the only focus of my writing for the day, which for today is for the many places I’ve been able to visit on this planet thus far.

While the last few years I’ve struggled to travel due to my health issues, the fact remains that it’s a part of who I am and something I do enjoy immensely on a soul level. There was a time when I was travelling both inside and outside our borders quite frequently. Sadly, I never expressed much gratitude surrounding all those trips I used to take, which is why I felt today it was absolutely necessary to put a place marker on my blog for the thankfulness I have to God for how many places I’ve been able to visit around the world so far in life.

Did you know that statistically speaking, only 6 percent of the world’s population travels internationally and only 2 percent travels domestically within their borders? I was shocked when I learned those statistics after doing a little research, given how much of my life has been spent on travelling from one place to the next. That being said the following is a list of all the places I’ve been to and have immense gratitude for seeing:

United States – New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., Seattle, San Francisco, Boston, Houston, Dallas, Austin, Detroit, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus, Nashville, Charlotte, Savannah, Atlanta, Charleston, Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Key West, Orlando, Tampa, Las Vegas, and many others.

Canada – Montreal, Toronto, Niagara Falls

England – Leeds, Bath, Dover, Canterbury, Winchester, London, and Manchester

Belgium – Brussels

Holland/Netherlands – Amsterdam, Kinderdijk

France – Paris

Caribbean – St. Thomas, St. Johns, St. Croix, Jamaica, St. Martin, Hispaniola, Grand Cayman, Nevis, St. Kitts, Barbuda, Antigua, St. Vincent, Cozumel, Bahamas, Aruba, St. Lucia, Grenada, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Barbados, Haiti, St. Kitts, Martinique

Mexico – Playa Del Carmen, Acapulco, Puerto Vallarta

Guatemala – Guatemala City

Costa Rica – San Jose

Panama – Panama City, Colon

After recollecting and writing all these places down for today’s article that I’ve visited thus far in life, I realized I truly have a lot to be grateful for given how much I’ve seen and especially given how many I’ve met who’ve never even left the state they were born in. While I know there are plenty who’ve travelled far more than I ever have or will, I’m very thankful to God to have been given the ability to see what I have on this planet.

And, for a final parting thought in today’s Grateful Heart Monday, I hope to one day be able to write about future gratitude for visiting the following places before I die: Hawaii and Anchorage in the United States, Sydney in Australia, Berlin in Germany, Rome, Sicily, Venice and Pisa in Italy, Reykjavik in Iceland, Cape Town in South Africa, Beijing, Shanghai, and Hong Kong in China, Tokyo in Japan, Cairo in Egypt, Agra in India, Seoul in South Korea, Singapore City in Singapore, Bangkok in Thailand, Geneva in Switzerland, Stockholm in Sweden, Oslo in Norway, Dublin in Ireland, Edinburgh in Scotland, Madrid in Spain, Athens in Greece, Lisbon in Portugal, and Bora Bora in the French Polynesia.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

For coffee lovers, how do you prefer it when consuming it? Be specific. (Ex. regular coffee with a splash of half and half, 2-shot regular cappuccino, decaf mocha latte, etc.)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

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21 Days…Without Caffeinated Beverages

21 days. That’s how long I’ve gone now without consuming any caffeinated beverages, after almost two solid years of binging on high quantities of them. A friend asked me the other day how the withdrawal process has been from them. Honestly, it’s not the withdrawal that’s been difficult, as that was over in about 3 to 5 days. What’s been more difficult than anything is choosing each day to stay away from consuming them again, all because of the numbing effect it gives me from my physical pain and other frustrations of my life.

Consuming high levels of caffeinated coffee as frequently as I did over the past two years, ever since relapsing from doing nothing more than decaf beverages for well over a decade, was a choice I made each day simply as a crutch. The effect helped me temporarily feel better in a world where I struggle to ever feel better. While I love coffee in general and was fine for the better part of 10 years drinking decaf, once I returned to consuming caffeinated coffees after my cat died abruptly, I fell in love with the effect it gave me.

It not only numbed out some of the pain receptors of my fibromyalgia, it also numbed out me caring much about all the people who seem to have a negative opinion of me. I also leaned hard on this addiction to cope with this pandemic as well, waiting as long as 45 minutes at Starbucks drive-thru’s sometimes just to get my fix. I’d always rationalize all this was ok, after all it’s just coffee right?

But I had many rage-out moments while on high levels of caffeine. I’ve thrown things, had Jekyll and Hyde moments, experienced severe mood changes from sad to happy to exuberant and back to sad in short periods of time, and even gone all day at times not eating anything while consuming multiple-shot espressos just because it hit me faster having nothing in my stomach. Yes, I’m one of those real hard-core addicts and at 21 days now without caffeine, on some days it often feels like I’m missing my best friend, which is no different than how I once felt with my alcohol and drug dependency.

While the withdrawal from caffeinated beverages hasn’t been anywhere as challenging as my withdrawal from alcohol and drugs were, the trying to find happiness in going back to decaf has been an immense struggle. I regularly find myself drinking my decaf coffee quick fast like I once did my caffeinated version, because having many of those high-level espressos was often not about the enjoyment of it, it was about seeking the high of them.

People have asked me so many times over the years how I know I’m still an alcoholic and addict, given I haven’t had either in my system in well over 26 years now. Seeing how I am acting and feeling at 21 days without caffeine and looking back over the last two years at how I was on it reminds me so very easily how much I know I am absolutely, 100 percent, still an alcoholic and addict.

I’m sure some who read this might be wondering why I would choose to even write about something like this. Beyond the fact that this blog originally started out as a tool for my 12 Step recovery (hence the site’s name TheTwelfthStep), the deeper reason is to be accountable with others with what I’m going through in this.

I’ve woken up each day in the past 21 days asking, and sometimes even begging my Higher Power for the strength to stay away from caffeinated beverages for one more day, because it’s very clear to me now just how much they affect my stability on many levels.

I have noticed I’m calmer, more mentally and emotionally stable, less angry, had lower blood pressure, felt more connected in my heart with others, and maybe even closer to Source on some days by abstaining from caffeinated beverages these past 21 days. Those benefits do seem to outweigh the slight numbing caffeine gave me over these past two years. But for a true addict like me, sometimes even the smallest benefits are enough to keep an addiction going.

Regardless, one day at a time, as 12 Step recovery says, I continue to do my best to remain free from caffeine, sharing openly with all of you about my struggles and my triumphs.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson