Month: September 2014

Getting What I Need, When I Most Need It

I received polar opposite comments from two separate readers of my blog a few mornings ago mere minutes apart, where the first was overly positive and encouraging, and the second was predominantly negative and judgmental. I was incredibly grateful for the order they arrived in because it continued to show me that as long as I keep my Higher Power in charge, I will often get what I need, when I most need it.

There was a time not long ago though when I didn’t feel like I was getting any of what I needed from my Higher Power, but that’s because my life was fueled almost completely at that time by self-will. This in turn always caused me to create a tremendous amount of drama and fires I had to work very hard to put out on a daily basis. But when I began to turn more and more of my will over to my Higher Power, I noticed that not only did those dramas and fires begin to disappear, I also started receiving the precise things I needed to handle those curve balls when they came my way in life. I felt this way specifically after reading those two conflicting comments the other morning.

The first came in from a reader who personally wanted to thank me for the candor I have when I write. They told me they enjoyed the fact I am very personal and honest in my writing, and said that each of the entries they read were well written. They then shared some personal information about what they connected to in some of my words and at the end of their feedback, they thanked me for listening and encouraged me to keep writing as I have been.

Receiving a comment of this caliber was very uplifting and motivational for me, as there have been days where I’ve wondered if my words are having any type of positive effect on anyone else other than myself. Hence the irony in the second set of comments I received a few minutes later. There, the reader told me quite extensively how they felt I was sharing the same experiences again and again and wasn’t moving on from them. Instead, they thought I was just reliving various abuses over and over again. They also thought through the words they read that I was judging the world for not following exactly as I do in life.

Thankfully, I can safely say that the second reader’s comments didn’t fit me at all and were really never about me. I’ve learned through a lot of hard work that anytime I ever made serious judgments or negative comments on someone else, that it was always about the same things within me I didn’t want to look at. I must say that if I had received this second set of comments by itself that morning, there’s a good chance I might have gone into my head and started doubting all the effort I’ve been placing into my writings for this blog. But the fact is that it’s never been my intention when I write any of the entries for this blog to tell anyone what they need to do in life. I don’t think of myself as better than anyone else either. I’m also not being burdened anymore by my past tragedies in life, and in all actuality, it’s just the opposite. The more I share positively about anything from my past or present, the freer I seem to feel. So frankly, I’m just grateful I received that first set of comments when I did, because the positive energy I received from them truly helped me to deflect all the negative energy I got a few minutes later when I received that second set.

Thus I fully believe my Higher Power knew I was going to need an uplifting boost the other morning and I’m so grateful I got it. I definitely feel in life today that I do get what I need, when I most need it, but it absolutely took turning a lot more of my will over to my Higher Power to finally realize that. And I’m truly glad I did, specifically for times just like this…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Prayer For Daily Spiritual Renewal

Anytime I share a prayer in a blog entry, it’s normally one I’ve personally written. But occasionally there are some that come along my way, which I feel moved to also include in here. The following is one of those and it was read at the end of a recovery meeting I attended a few days ago. It’s written in such a way that I feel is more of an affirmation than a prayer, but maybe that’s why I like it so much. I decided to call it a prayer for daily spiritual renewal, as it speaks to my heart quite a bit of how I can refresh my own spiritual journey and recovery from addictions each and every day. I truly hope all of you will enjoy it as much as I have…

“Today, I make a decision to turn the care of my life and my will over to my Higher Power to be built anew: happy, joyous, and free from the bondage of self; relieved of my difficulties, fears, and anxieties so that I may help others and show them this willingness, this love, and this way of life. May I follow my Higher Power’s will for me, always.”

Amen!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Finding A Sponsor In 12 Step Recovery

Finding a sponsor in a 12 Step recovery program can often be an extremely challenging task. There are quite a number of factors that can be involved in this process, so I thought it might be good if I talk about some of the ones I’ve had to face when I’ve searched for a sponsor.

The first concern I ever had when it came to finding a sponsor was for my recovery program in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). There I heard very early on that a man should always sponsor a man, and a woman should always sponsor a woman. This principle didn’t work for me, as I had serious trust issues with men due to having been molested at a young age. Because of this, I ended up choosing a woman in her 60’s that had some serious sobriety time under her belt and it worked out just fine for me.

A second concern I’ve had to deal with when looking for a sponsor is having them say no to my request. Why this ever happens to anyone is different for every case. Sometimes the potential sponsor has too many sponsees already. Sometimes they don’t have the right set of tools or experience to help. Sometimes they might have various personal issues going on that prevents it. And sometimes, they might even be physically attracted to the sponsee. Regardless of the reason why, I learned that I wasn’t to take it personally if it happened.

A third concern I’ve faced when looking for a sponsor has to deal with my sexuality. There are many possible sponsors out there that are either gay-friendly or gay themselves, but I’ve found there are also just as many that aren’t either and instead, have biases and judgments towards my sexual orientation. I find it important now to reveal this information about myself right away when asking someone to sponsor me, solely because I don’t want to deal with any repercussions later. And once again, when I’ve discovered a potential sponsor to have any prejudices towards my lifestyle, I don’t take it personally as it’s their issue, not mine.

A fourth concern I have when looking for a sponsor is one that I’m dealing with currently. I’ve actually been seeking one out in AA for the past few months since moving to a new city, and many have frequently suggested I take a temporary sponsor. I’ve learned over the years in following that advice that it never works out well for me. Usually in doing so, I just feel like I’m settling for less than what I need and want in a sponsor and my sense of peace and serenity suffers in the process. I believe that seeking out the right sponsor requires prayer and patience and until one is found, it’s important to have various peers in the recovery world to use for guidance.

The last thing I’d like to mention about a finding a sponsor actually has nothing to do at all with the search itself. But it is something that can happen after a person finally does have one, and that’s when their sponsor either dies, relapses, or moves away. I’ve had to endure each of these at one point in time or another in my various recoveries from past addictions, and none of them were ever easy to work through. The key that got me through each of them though was spending more time in prayer and meditation with my Higher Power, going to more meetings, reaching out to my support network in a greater way, and immediately allowing myself to be open to searching for a new one. I think it’s also essential to remember that once a sponsor is found, they can also let their sponsee go at any point in time. I should know as my refusal to do recovery work in the past kept me toxic and led to this several times. But in every case where I’ve done the recovery work asked of me, this never happened and instead, a strong spiritual relationship ended up growing between my sponsor and I.

All in all, I’ve come to believe that the most important things to remember when it comes to finding a sponsor in any 12 Step recovery program is to always pray for guidance, to be patient, and to never settle on anyone temporarily that doesn’t feel right to me. Eventually the one my Higher Power wanted me to have has always appeared and when it did, it really was just the beginning of a very beautiful thing for my spiritual journey to greater recovery…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson