Month: June 2019

Another Year Older And Another Year Clean And Sober!

Yesterday was my 47th birthday, as well as my 24th completed year of sobriety from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. Honestly, I can’t believe I’m just a few years away from hitting “The Big 5-0”. And to think I’ve been clean and sober for almost two and a half decades now, it simply boggles my mind where all that time went?

At 47, I must admit I find myself struggling to fully accept my body shape, which is far from the tone and sculpted look I once had. Every time I look in the mirror I seem to see a new aging spot or wrinkle now, and dam those love handles! Yes, I know, the outer body is not where the truest beauty comes from. Believe me, I’ve written many articles on the subject. But, I am human being who grew up in a family filled with too much vanity and so the aging process hasn’t been an easy one to accept. While I do feel my heart and soul is far more attractive than they used to be, I still live in a mental world filled with a bunch of superficiality issues, which seem really hard to overcome sometimes. Sadly, I once was a guy who regularly walked into bars or other public venues, solely to get hit on and actually lived off those ego trips to survive. But now as I face the other side of things, where I seem to hardly get noticed for my looks, I realize I need to continue to go spiritually deeper. Which is why I’m grateful that I’ve been working on my spiritual state a lot over the past bunch of years, because ultimately, I believe that’s the most attractive part of a human being overall. I just wish I could instantly erase all those parts of me that still focus on the outside versus the inside, as they tend to prevent me from seeing my truest beauty. Nevertheless, beyond being another year older and another year hopefully wiser, I’m also another year clean and sober as I mentioned already, which, on some level, is pretty darn amazing compared to the guy I used to be.

You see, 24 years ago, I couldn’t go a day without getting boozed up or mind-altered. It was my only solution back then to calm the terrible voices in my head that reminded me quite often of being molested, getting repeatedly verbally disciplined by my parents, feeling not good enough, and always getting picked on. Some say it’s hard to remember their alcoholic and drug addicted days the longer they remain clean and sober. Thank God that’s not the case for me, as I continue to remember it all too well, which honestly is a good thing, because it serves as a great reminder of why I never want to return to that part of my life EVER AGAIN.

Regardless, turning another year older or another year clean and sober may, on the grand scheme of things, not be that big of a deal to others, especially as that number of years grow. I’m inclined to agree, yet even so, at 47 years old and 24 years of sobriety, I feel extremely thankful I’ve made it thus far, solely because of having lived such an incredibly convoluted life up to this point.

So, as I head towards 48 years of age and 25 years of sobriety in 2020, I end this birthday article by stating something positive, which is how I have faith that even in this constantly aging body that no longer fits the image I once worked so hard to keep up, that the best of my life is actually yet to come. And that’s all because I continue to ask God to be at the helm of my life on a daily basis, and with God at the helm, I truly believe I’ll be headed in the best direction I can ever go…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question To Ponder For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is something at first glance you initially misjudged, that actually ended up being pretty amazing and inspiring?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step   The Twelfth Step   The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step  The Twelfth Step

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where I find gratitude in my life to focus on and start my week off on a positive note, which for today is for Kodi Lee, a blind and autistic contestant on this year’s America’s Got Talent who is incredibly inspiring and gifted beyond belief.

I’ve been watching America’s Got Talent now for about 7 years and usually find myself looking forward to the beginning of summer each year, as that’s when a new season always begins for the show. It’s the only reality type of show I continue to watch and that’s because I enjoy being inspired by the many ways people in this world are gifted with some type of unique talent.

While America’s Got Talent has definitely highlighted plenty of that, it also occasionally places negative emphasis on acts that are either downright ridiculous with people doing silly things to get their few minutes of fame or people who in their own right mind feel they are talented, but in this show’s standards, are really not. So, when the final act of the first episode of the season began, with a guy being led out on stage by his mother, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Frankly, I probably thought what a lot of people did at that moment, which was wondering what kind of talent a 22-year-old guy who was blind and autistic could actually have. After all, he really wasn’t able to effectively communicate to the judges when asked questions before his act began, other than offering one-or-two-word answers, and he constantly was rocking back and forth like many who are autistic.

Nevertheless, his mother explained Kodi was going to play the piano and sing for everyone, as that was his greatest passion. After sitting down and playing a few random keys on the piano that sort of reminded me of what a little kid might do the first time they placed their hands on an instrument, I found myself feeling a little nervous as I didn’t want the audience to boo this guy or give him any bit of negative energy. Sadly, there have been many times this does happen on America’s Got Talent, which honestly, is probably the one thing I don’t like about the show, because anyone stepping foot on a stage in front of several thousand people is quite a feat in itself, but trying to demonstrate a talent they really believe in themselves is far more of a feat.

So, as Kodi began to play, my heart fluttered somewhat in fear for him, that was until he started singing. Immediately, my jaw dropped and tears proceeded to fall from my eyes. The way Kodi played on those piano keys and the way his voice soothed my soul, words couldn’t ultimately describe what I was feeling in my heart. All I know is that I felt the presence of God during his two or so minute performance and it was then that I realized that no matter how bad my life and my health may be, that God has a specific talent within us all that is meant to inspire others somehow.

Kodi Lee’s talent is something I find myself weeks later still thinking about. How can someone who is blind and autistic be so darn amazing! I have never in seven years of watching America’s Got Talent, EVER SEEN SUCH A GIFT in someone with such limitations in life! When Kodi got the season’s first golden buzzer, which guarantees him a live show appearance, I pretty much became a blubbering idiot and was kind of glad I was watching it alone. My partner Chris, who had watched it already earlier that evening had told me it was one of the best episodes he’s ever watched and I honestly didn’t know why he said that, that was until Kodi’s performance.

It’s pretty easy in this world to overlook someone like Kodi Lee and count them out before they even get a chance to prove themselves. Given he doesn’t have that Hollywood look or persona, one could pass Kodi on the streets and feel sorry for him just by what they see. But Kodi reminded me of why all of us should NEVER, EVER, focus on what we see with our eyes, and instead look to what’s beneath all that. Because beneath Kodi’s exterior is a piece of God that just inspired millions and millions of people in a way, that only God could make happen in my humble opinion.

I’m truly grateful for Kodi Lee and his incredible talent and will most certainly be rooting for him to win this season now. He single-handedly gave me enough inspiration to keep going and never count myself out, no matter how much my body and health continues to be riddled in pain and anguish. Because maybe, just maybe, I have a talent within me too, even in my current unfortunate circumstances of life, that one day will inspire many others as well, just like blind and autistic 22-year-old Kodi Lee is doing right now on America’s Got Talent Season 14…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson